I read a lot of newsletters, many of which round-up their favorite reads/links, similar to my weekly series Click. Read. Love. So I admit, I was a little surprised by how many linked to this recent viral article in The Cut, written by Ashley French (formerly Tisdale) titled, Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group.
I can’t quite figure out why. Maybe because she’s a celebrity and her mom group includes other celebrities? Maybe because it reinforces the trope that women are catty and vicious to one another? Or maybe because Hillary Duff’s husband jumped into the fray, which respectfully sir, STFU.
I won’t dissect the essay, which (tbh) feels like it has more to do with self-obsessed Hollywood mom behavior than anything else, but I do feel it is my civic duty to defend mom groups.
My mom friends have saved me, over, and over, and over again. I have my oldest mom friends I’ve known since middle school, my neighborhood mom group, my book club moms, and my yoga moms. My hike into the woods under a full moon moms and my climb a 4000 ft mountain moms (will probably never do that again tbh).
The women in my mom groups are there when I’m ready to lose my shit. Never to judge or guilt trip me, but to let me know they’ve been there too. My mom groups are filled with women who cheer for and celebrate one another. They’re made up of moms who remind me it doesn’t matter that my kid ate chips for breakfast or let her watch TV for hours on end. My mom groups are filled with women who will pick up your kid if you’re running late (or you forgot them, lol), bring you food at a moment’s notice, and always validate how you’re feeling about motherhood, whether it’s elated, enraged or somewhere in between.
Sometimes my mom groups intersect and sometimes they don’t, but what they all have in common is how they keep me going, and light up my life with joy, humor, and sanity.
I have all of these women in my life because I make it a priority, and I put in the effort. When I moved to Vermont without knowing a single person, all it took was one mom bringing me into her circle to change everything. Every mom I bring into my circle is my way of paying it forward. It’s not easy with the competing priorities of life, work, and motherhood, but I will always give it my all to gather the moms.
Motherhood is grueling, thankless, and also joyful and hilarious. I simply can’t imagine doing it without the laughter, tears, advice, and empathy shared within my mom groups. Maybe the only reason that essay went viral is because it’s gossip about famous people, and not because the toxic mom group is a universal experience.
Whatever the case may be, we all have to put in the work. Extend the invitation, create the opportunity, keep asking and making the plans. Prioritize your mom friends, and be the person who helps any mom feel less alone.
If there is anything this world needs more of, it’s women coming together to share their joy, laughter, tears, and pain. It’s an experience only we can fully understand, and what a gift it is to do it together.