It’s been a long, long while since I’ve answered reader questions. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually done it in newsletter format? In my influencer days I would occasionally do these on Instagram and the questions would range from the mundane to the insane (seriously people asked some crazy $hit). But I guess I did that to myself?! Admittedly I was a bit nervous to do something like this, and then I remembered I’m a 41 year-old woman who can do what she wants, and that includes not answering questions I don’t want to, lol. Growth!

Below the paywall you’ll find my responses to topics including: how I spend my days and the myth of “doing it all”, tips for spending less time online, what anti-consumerism and sustainability looks like in practice, how I plan to handle smartphone access for my daughter, and more.

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Dalyn6 months ago

We also live in Vermont and have friends with similar values as yours. We were the last hold outs for phones—with sports logistics and pick up being the most commonly cited reasons for giving in. In our house, the rule is you can get a phone when you start driving so our 17 year old has one and the 15 and 13 year olds don’t. They are the only ones in their school who don’t, but they don’t mind and I feel good about this approach.

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Dalyn6 months ago

Another quick note: it’s not social media that concerns me. Even the 17 year old with a phone doesn’t care about that and didn’t participate. It’s the group texts which seem to be the Wild West and flip/smart phones don’t make a difference there (though it’s not as easy on a flip phone).

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Jess KirbyAuthor6 months ago

Good for you for holding out. I am sure that's not easy.

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Dacy Gillespie6 months ago(edited)

I think you're in a lucky spot with the age of your daughter and your community. My son's peers started getting iphones in 2nd and 3rd grade. He's now 11, so he's been asking for one for at least 4 years. I keep a list of parents whose kids don't have them so that I can refer to it and say "see, not EVERYone has one". We're just hoping to hold out until 13 and even then we will have very strict boundaries. One area that's slightly less hard is social media, the boys at least aren't very into it right now.

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Jess KirbyAuthor6 months ago

Omg 2nd grade 😭 ugh that breaks my heart but I imagine it’s really tough to hold out when it’s just a thing everyone else has. I think (just a guess) because of the age of many of my friends (elder millennials) we have similar feelings around phones and there seems to be a consensus community wide around putting stronger boundaries between our kids and tech (not just phones but tech in schools). I hope as we learn more this continues to help parents set better boundaries and gives our kids more freedom to just be kids.