When I had a baby a month before a global pandemic, I genuinely had no idea just how badly my mental and physical health would suffer. As a new mom I had almost no postpartum care, even after suffering from complications. I was chronically online, deep in the throes of postpartum anxiety and PTSD, and living through a global pandemic and the first Trump presidency. I was not well.
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I gaslit myself into believing I was fine, practicing “self-care” in the form of an elaborate skincare routine (lol), hiring a life coach (a story for another day), and “meditating,” which was listening to a recorded voice on my phone and thinking about how it really wasn’t helping, at all. Six months into motherhood I hit a breaking point and ended up in the hospital (not where you wanted to be in early Covid times) after a full blown anxiety attack, and what turned out to be a horrible case of bronchitis (with a crippling migraine and a case of dermatitis).
You might assume being hospitalized was a wake up call, but it still took me several years, moving to a new state, and leaving a career to dig myself out of that anxiety ridden, panic inducing hole.
I was desperate for a quick fix to help me cope, but what I realized over time was that I couldn’t shortcut my way out of how I was feeling (and coping). It took me years to figure out what actually worked for me — mind, body and soul.
For all intents and purposes, I should be spiraling right now. I make way less money, I have far less relevance1, and the future promises much more uncertainty. But I’ve never felt more settled and grounded. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but I hope sharing some of my practices and routines might give you ideas for creating your own. And if you already have some, please share in the comments!
11 Practices & Routines That Help Me Stay Grounded
Simplifying my life. Remember the 10-step skincare routine I mentioned earlier? I ditched it for something a lot easier. I was my face with water and use lotion and sunscreen. I am on my second buy nothing year and I am leaning in to re-wearing my clothes. I’ve stopped over scheduling and multi-tasking, and try to focus on spending my time with more intention and focus. I am embracing the idea of having enough, and being enough, as is.
Weekly TRE practice. TRE or Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises is one of the most impactful things I do on a consistent basis to regulate my nervous system, and manage stress and anxiety. TRE is a form of somatic therapy that starts with a series of exercises (and in my class breathing techniques) that encourage the body to engage in a natural shaking response. It helps release muscular tension and calm the nervous system. Carolyn Barnwell who is a friend and local to Vermont is an incredible facilitator, and also does virtual workshops. I’m considering organizing one for my paid subscribers (let me know if there’s interest!).
Digital decluttering. As I wrote recently, normalize eliminating and decluttering technological waste from your life. A few places to start: get rid of an email address you rarely use, unsubscribe from marketing email lists and newsletters, delete social media or unfollow accounts that don’t serve your best interests, clean up/delete unnecessary photos on your phone, turn off notifications or maybe even delete email from your phone!
Reading Books. Getting immersed in a book is such a profound way to feel grounded and manage stress. My reading list is a little all over the place and I’m not ashamed to stop reading a book and switch to something else. Lately I’ve been alternating between non-fiction and romance novels, basically whatever my brain can handle at the moment. If a book feels like too much, try poetry. A few things I’ve read or am reading lately: Stolen Focus, Braiding Sweetgrass, Just for the Summer, The Year of Less, Ask Not, Be Ready When the Luck Happens
Pick a cause. There’s so much going on right now it can feel overwhelming, and instead of getting involved it might lead us to shut down. I’ve been focused on public education in my community, but if you had to pick a cause you are really passionate about what would it be? There are so many ways to get involved, but instead of getting overwhelmed, pick an issue you feel really passionate about and take action. That might look like showing up to school board meetings or running for a seat, volunteering at a women’s shelter or food bank, supporting your local Planned Parenthood or abortion rights group, getting involved in a climate advocacy group or organizing a protest in your community.
Cooking. Admittedly I am not the cook in my family, so when I do cook it’s more for fun than a chore I have to do all the time. But, when I do, I find it so grounding. I love to put on a good playlist, throw on some comfy clothes and immerse myself in cooking a meal, even if it’s just a simple pasta dinner.
Get some fresh air. Never underestimate the power of getting some fresh air.
Try new things. Sometimes the best thing I can do is force myself out of my comfort zone. Whether it’s signing up for a paint and sip night or a yoga class I haven’t been to, doing things I’ve never done before always boosts my mood, even if it’s something I don’t want to try again!
Mindful news consumption. Just as it is important to bear witness, it is equally imperative to practice self-compassion and mindfulness when it comes to news and media consumption. I limit when I read and check the news to times when I feel I’m in a grounded headspace but also can process thoughtfully (not right when I wake up or before bed). I don’t use social media for news and I don’t watch news on television. I’m still informed and aware, but in a more healthy way for me to process, and take action.
Staying connected. By this I don’t mean to your phone or social media, but with your people. Make dates with your friends, send them voice notes, organize a group outing, do a family FaceTime, stay connected with the people who matter to you, it changes everything.
Take it one day at a time. One of the best ways to feel grounded and centered, especially if things are feeling particularly bleak or chaotic, is to remind myself to take it one day at a time. What do I need to do to get through today? What do I need to feel today? What can I let go of today? But maybe most importantly, what can I do to laugh today?
What practices and routines are helping you feel sane and grounded? Please share!