I spent the majority of my late 20s and early 30s feeling incredibly exposed (something I didn’t recognize at the time). While I would describe myself as an introvert, my career as an influencer made me a very public person. That’s not to say introverts can’t handle public facing jobs, but the nature of influencing and oversharing on the internet was not healthy for my personality or personal life.

The bigger my following grew, the more it forced me to go inward. I was scared of trusting people or letting anyone in too closely. Aside from my very close friends that I’d had since childhood and my family, my friend group consisted mostly of people who were more like “colleagues.” Essentially other influencers I could commiserate with, or had some mutually beneficial reason to be in touch. Friendships were more like transactional relationships.

Even with people who weren’t influencers, I always wondered if they actually wanted to be friends or if they just wanted something from me. People come out of the god damn woodwork when you have a social media following. It’s weird. All of that to say, I am embarassed to admit I spent a good decade of my life with almost no close friends.

When we moved to Vermont I had no expectations of how it would play out. I was navigating new motherhood, trying to figure out how I could leave a career I’d spent over 10 years building, and living in a construction site during a global pandemic. We weren’t even sure we would live here full time, but as the world started to open up again I realized there was something huge missing from my life, friends.

Living in a new state, in a town where I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have the familiarity of old friends and family to lean on. At the same time I didn’t have the history of being in a place where everyone knew me (or thought they knew me). It was so freeing.

I made friends pretty quickly after moving to Vermont, but my group of friends has grown over the last several years. The friends I’ve made here are some of the best people I’ve known in my entire life, and I haven’t known any of them for longer than 4 years! There are some unique aspects of living here that help people form close bonds quickly (rural living plays a big role), but I also believe that most of what I’ve learned from making friends as an adult is that there are universally effective strategies.

And not to bury the lede here but friendships are so important. Study after study shows that friendships have a huge impact on our well-being. Having good friendships and strong social connections can literally help you live longer, sleep better, and even heal faster, not to mention it can also protect against depression and anxiety.

I’ve been through a lot of change in the last 6 years, haven’t we all?! But one of the most significant has been prioritizing my friendships, and it has made my life better in ways that are truly hard to capture in words. But I’m going to try, because I think it’s one of the most important aspects of the time we have on this Earth.

I’ve written down some of the most effective strategies for making friends as an adult, both from my own experience, and from asking a large number of friends in my life, ranging from besties to casual friends and everything in between. Whether you have a tight-knit friend group or not, I hope this inspires you to put yourself out there, or be the person that someone needs. You never know how much a simple act might change someone’s life, including your own.