What I've Learned (and Gained) Being Off Instagram

It dawned on me earlier this week that it’s been over 2 years since I’ve used Instagram in an official influencer/work capacity. I still post links to my newsletter from time to time, but for the most part I don’t use the app. I also unfollowed every account, so when I go on I don’t see anyone else’s content. It’s pretty amazing.

When I was influencing, I experimented with taking breaks from Instagram because being on the app was so bad for my mental health (turns out it’s not great for most people). I started taking weekends off, and while the breaks were great, going back was awful. Every time I redownloaded the app I could feel the existential dread rising in my body.

As I made the decision to quit influencing, it also gave me the freedom to exit Instagram, and to be honest there’s a big part of me that fantasizes about deleting my account entirely (I know one day I will). For now, it’s still a good tool for growing my newsletter. That said, my relationship to the app has changed dramatically, and I wanted to share what that looks like now.

I like myself again. I can’t stop thinking about this comment on the sinister nature of excessive front facing videos, selfies, watching yourself speak, etc.

I never enjoyed recording front facing videos for Instagram or staring at photos of myself all day, but it wasn’t until I didn’t have to anymore that I realized how much it was affecting me. Recording and then re-watching endless videos of myself led me down a road of constantly picking myself apart. Most times I’d record something numerous times, disliking something different about each version. One eye is different than the other, my nose only looks good from a certain angle, my teeth look weird, my voice sounds bad, I’ve got a deeper laugh line on that side, the light isn’t flattering…I can’t remember the last time a thought like that crossed my mind. Probably because I’m not staring at myself all day, and that’s a good thing.

Style and taste come from lived experience. I have a theory somewhat related to this, that influencers create a learned helplessness with their followers. They tell you how to dress, what products to use, how to decorate your home, what food to cook. It makes sense, life is overwhelming and exhausting. Who has time to think about what to wear or cook, right?! But it ends up permeating every aspect of people’s lives, and it keeps them following, buying, consuming. There’s “templates”, “guides,” and “playbooks” for people to emulate someone else. Just look at the current frenzy over copying Carolyn Bessette Kennedy’s style.